come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
