We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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