Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
whose parrot is this?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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