Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
