Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
