Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
