I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
