wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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