I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize