I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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