a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
