My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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