So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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