i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
