he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
