The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
