my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
