doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
pray to the hookup gods
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
