I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
