best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize