I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
