For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
