Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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