I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
whose parrot is this?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
