Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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