after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
