And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
