nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
