Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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