After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize