I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
