Cold hands, warm shart.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
