I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
