i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
