i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize