i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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