Having a random hookup so left but love u
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
