well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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