If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
