cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I currently don't understand fingers.
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