new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
