i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
