What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
