I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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