You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
