I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
