I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can I color on your dick again?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize