I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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