Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
