i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
