I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
