I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
