he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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