I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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