so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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