I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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