I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
