my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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