Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
