does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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