He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize