She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
