You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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