someone get that fucking seahorse.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
