hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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