20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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