he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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