Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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