You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
