We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
