She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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