Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Randomize
