She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
