And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
