just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
