But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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