Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
