I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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