Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
