I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
