the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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