Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize