If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
