so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize