somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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