Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
