I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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