About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
