So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
