If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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