Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
