You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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